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How to get girlfriend or boyfriend > 30 years > Letter to my best guy friend who hurt me

Letter to my best guy friend who hurt me

To my dear friend who I hurt terribly and miss so badly I just want to say I'm sincerely sorry for putting you through my overdose. I know I made it seem like your fault, but it was never your fault, I was lying to myself and it was easier to blame you than to realise that. I'm really struggling without you now, we used to be best friends and you mean a lot to me, more than you know. I hate fighting, especially with you.

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An Open Letter To The Friend Who Hurt Me

In his phone calls I treasured, we dwelled in nostalgia for our four-year home. We shared favorite writers, what moved us and made us cry. Even after an awful day at work, he still called to congratulate me on my new teaching job while he shopped in Walmart, kindly reassuring and encouraging me while he paused to smell air fresheners, give directions to a stranger, express sympathy over a melting-down child.

I grew to love him. After intense deliberation and seven months of nurturing this closeness, I finally decided to tell him. To paraphrase one of my favorite authors, Cheryl Strayed: withholding something had created a force field all its own.

I heavily weighed the risk of our friendship fading into awkward-induced oblivion. But I could only mentally transcribe so many conversations, crowd my mind with so many wishful imaginings, overanalyze so much gentle praise before feeling completely exhausted, distracted, and anxious.

I wrote him a five-page letter, detailing many many qualities I admired in him. I told him I was scared of losing him as a dear friend. Dropping the letter in my mailbox, I realized with both relief and fear the symbolic weight of this light envelope: it could change the dynamics of our relationship, for better or worse.

A few days later, I received an optimistically cryptic text saying that he would love to talk on the phone. The next day, we did—enduring nerve-wracking small talk as I paced around my front yard, pulling pine needles off trees, feeling like I would vomit.

Finally, a break in conversation. His voice grew softer, more earnest. He thanked me for my vulnerability. He assured me that he greatly valued our friendship. Our words became cushioned between long pauses. The next morning, though, I was emotionally wrecked. One of my favorite poets, Sarah Kay, says she writes to work through something. So, I wrote—a lot. I felt so fragile for even needing to heal from this not-even-real-break-up, when people endure far worse every day.

But I also tried to be gentle with myself, as this stream of consciousness processing helped unravel my tangled thoughts. While I often love re-reading favorite texts, I realized that dwelling in our past exchanges would not help me adjust to the new reality of our relationship.

I also deactivated my Facebook, turning offline to the support of my ever-patient sister and other dear friends. They listened to my rambling feelings, providing graceful advice and love for which I am deeply grateful. Ultimately, I needed time away to change how preoccupied I had become with projecting myself as someone I thought he could love.

I had carefully curated my posts, his anticipated reaction never far from my mind. I had unhealthily relied on Facebook in dictating my worthiness of love. In the wake of healing, I realized just how important it was to be self-compassionate.

After writing his letter, I had written a love letter to myself, too, to open after hearing his feelings. Know that you can still hope for that future.

Maybe a large part of healing comes down to seeing potential again. While you acknowledge that moving forward inevitably holds challenges, you also see immense opportunity in renewed reaching and giving love outside of the confines of this one relationship. The unexpected, while it can be scary, can also be incredible.

A couple weeks later, I texted him that I was feeling better, and hoped we could still be friends. After no response, I reached out again, met by a nothingness which overflowed into the next few months, paradoxically generating endless overanalysis. Did I overwhelm him? Was it too awkward to stay friends? Was he just seeking unplugged summer respite? I hoped. But certainty never comes from silence. I struggled to embrace the ambiguity as best I could, and create that closure for myself.

Maybe those included the challenge of leaving one beloved home and striving to create another in a foreign space. Maybe the miles between us were too daunting. Maybe he just felt too guilty or uncomfortable remaining friends in the wake of my revealed feelings. I had to accept that while I may never know more fully which reasons prevented him from reaching out, I needed to trust in whatever they were.

Perhaps even tougher than accepting the unrequited love was coping with the apparent fading of a close friendship. I struggled facing silence from someone who I still cared about so deeply, whose connection had been integrated into my everyday life for many months.

But instead, gaining acceptance became a natural, gradual consequence of continuing to live wholly and invest my love and time in all else I cared about: trying to support and encourage my family, friends, students, and myself; bonding with my sister as we cooked dinners and drove countless miles together; guiding my students in creating their first paper mache masks; grocery shopping for my parents; celebrating milestones with beloved friends.

I finally researched grad schools and applied to a new job. I made myself keep reaching. Perhaps being at peace comes from acknowledging that someone can still be a good-hearted person without also being the right person for you, right now. You may not stop loving them, but grow to love them in a different, honest way.

You are being hurt by the expectation you created. Forgive yourself for momentary regressions, for not feeling as hopeful today as two weeks ago. You are trying. For any kind of healthy relationship, two people must want to be in it. You can keep yourself open to them, knowing circumstances can always change, but also, strive to make peace with the way stars have aligned now, even if you wished for different constellations. Our phone calls gave me comfort and empathy while wading through post-graduation flux.

He introduced me to writers who are now among my favorites. His faith in me and genuine encouragement echoed back when I doubted myself in teaching my high schoolers.

Our friendship inspired me to be more giving, honest, understanding, and resilient—and it will continue to. I truly hope someday we can continue our friendship, if he wants to, too. But maybe, the harder, more gratifying process is to live well for the sake of honoring your own life—respecting the value of your own story and limited time here. To absorb the losses you feel and transform them into resilience, continuing to grow into the best version of yourself for your own sake, and for the benefit of those who love you.

While I am still learning, I hope healing can come from a culmination of small gestures filled with self-compassion and patience. It can begin in deciding to stop obsessing over Facebook, or in writing comforting words to yourself to revisit. You are whole. And you are, and always will be, worthy of whole love. Drea Aron-Schiavone is an overanalyzing, people-loving, heart-on-sleeve introvert who will happily gush over the words in a beautifully moving phrase, sentence, or text message with you any hour of the day.

She serendipitously found herself teaching high school art, and now, is hoping to work at a residential treatment center for kids and teens as she attempts to apply to graduate school. She is inspired by the resilience and genuine hearts of small humans, and hopes to pursue a future as a social worker, working with children who have survived trauma and abuse.

But I discovered your post. Thank you for sharing your story. Reading it made me feel a little better! I also went though the same situation. We started out as a couple and it slowly devolved into friendship due to lack of intimacy from me having complications after an IUD replacement. The whole time though I was falling harder and harder in love with him. I thought I could go on as just friends but it was too painful. I miss our constant conversation and being around him.

I do wonder if I made the right choice because the loneliness and emptiness I now feel is overwhelming. It makes Life a little brighter. Hello : I rarely make comments on things I write online.. It was everything I needed to read after having gone through a similar situation. Was googling my thoughts and came across this article and it was written so brilliantly.

I guess some people come into your life for a season to help you become a better person but are just meant to go on their merry way to live their life and I mine. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Contributing Author.

Like this: Like Loading Tags breakup friendship love relationships. Share 0. Pin 0. Leave a Reply Cancel reply. Navigating Financial Strain on a Relationship.

Letter to my Guy Best friend

Michelle Lori. Tell me which letter you liked best and why, ask questions, or simply say what you need to say. I want to extend a very sincere thank you to everyone who submitted letters for this essay. Each of these letters is so very raw, and I continued to be amazed by these stories as I read them. The experiences captured and the reflections made upon them can speak to so many people.

You hurt me in a way I never thought possible. Now instead of remembering you as my other half, I just think of you as the best friend who broke my heart.

In his phone calls I treasured, we dwelled in nostalgia for our four-year home. We shared favorite writers, what moved us and made us cry. Even after an awful day at work, he still called to congratulate me on my new teaching job while he shopped in Walmart, kindly reassuring and encouraging me while he paused to smell air fresheners, give directions to a stranger, express sympathy over a melting-down child. I grew to love him. After intense deliberation and seven months of nurturing this closeness, I finally decided to tell him.

I Fell In Love With My Best Friend—And He Didn’t Love Me Back

I can honestly say I miss you. I miss everything about you. I miss our little talks. I miss our crazy adventures to Sonic and even the pointless trips the mall. But most of all, I just miss your presence. I miss the spell you put on me, the way you made me feel. I miss the way you loved me. The way you loved me was like any other, so pure and what I thought was genuine, but I guess I was wrong. I guess you just needed to show love when it was convenient for you, to make you feel complete or like you were superman. Whatever it was, it hurts more to think about it now more than ever before.

A Letter From Your Not-So-Best-Friend

Lately our relationship has felt like walking on eggshells. There was mutual trust, respect, and authenticity. We were there for each other. I know it sounds selfish but it seems like you stopped trying.

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The laughs that we shared and the memories that we made seem so faint now. You once held a special spot in my heart and it has turned into a hole. Our time spent together as friends now hurts me to think about because you hurt me. You were once my best friend, the person with whom I shared every detail of my life.

A Breakup Letter To My Best Friend

This is raw, real and necessary. It had come time for me to sit down and write an open letter to all who have hurt me. The much needed forgiveness letter. This is the letter of forgiveness anyone who has been hurt, needs to write to free themselves, not only from the anger and the pain, but from the toxic person who still lives in their head, rent free.

I speak from personal experience when I say that when a close friend suddenly cuts you out of her life, it can be devastating. I speak from personal experience when I say that when a friend suddenly cuts you out of her life, it can be devastating. I happen to be a person of faith—and for me, prayer and forgiveness were key to helping me find a way to move on with my life. It happens without warning and it hits you with devastating force…. The experience can be as painful as the death of a loved one, and just as confusing as an unexpected breakup with a significant other. We have several different terms to describe the end of a romantic relationship: we might say that one partner got dumped or jilted, or at the very least we can say that the couple broke up.

A Letter To The People That Have Hurt You

You may not know this, but ever since what happened between us, I have been in a cold, dark, grimy pit for months. It has been a pit that I cannot seem to get myself out of. There have been long, sleepless nights that I will probably never get back. To be honest, I was in a pretty depressive state—beating myself up for a situation that I had no business beating myself up for. I walked around for months, feeling sorry myself and kept asking the question, "Why? I finally got to a point where I refused to walk around feeling sorry for myself and beating myself up over a situation that I had no control over. I finally got to a point where I could at least get a solid 5 hours of sleep.

Jun 18, - We alternated between choruses of “I really don't want to hurt you” and After writing his letter, I had written a love letter to myself, too, to open.

I'm writing this letter because I thought it would be better to write instead of talking to you in person, especially since both of us of usually have hair triggers on our emotions and tempers. Besides, I'm already upset, and I don't want to say anything I might regret later. First of all, I want you to know how much I care about "us" and how important this relationship is to me. For example, you probably don't realize how much I've enjoyed all the discussions we've had together.

An Open Letter to the Friend who Hurt Me

This letter needs no specification of a sender or receiver. It is not from me or from you. It could be from anyone.

An Open Letter To My Best Guy Friend Who Left Me

I meant no malice, but I was upset and I needed to talk. I deserved to talk, to vent. I have not taken some of your problems too seriously. But everything I see is only through my perception, and sometimes mine ends with my limited experiences.



My Apology Letter to a Very Special Friend



Comments: 3
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  3. Mazahn

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